"Sensitivity Training..."

Or...

KISS MY ASS!!!!

A friend of mine at work has told me that she thinks I need sensitivity training... that I can be a bit gruff and crude from time to time. 

Of course, I immediately called 'bullshit' on that!!!

I researched the issue and found a manual on sensitivity-speak... somewhat of a code book for saying something else that has yet another meaning.

There is one chapter titled, "Try Saying"... and it has suggested comments that might allow for properr exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Some of these sayings include:

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: fuck it, I'm going to Guadalajara for a margarita.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.

INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

I think this approach would work... don't you??

I dont think I am THAT bad...

But maybe I am...

"Red Shoes..."

Shoes

I teach at a small regional university in the Mississippi Delta. Over the years that I have taught here, I have noticed some ‘professors’ that, in my opinion,  took themselves WAY too seriously… as a means of reminding myself to not do the same, I started wearing Red Converse Chuck Taylor tennis shoes on my teaching days… I refer to them as my “teaching shoes.”

Profs should be allowed some leeway in their teaching methods… do what they need to do (within reason) to reach the students. Since we didn’t have a dress code, I thought this would be a great way for me to accomplish my objective…

Somewhere down through the years, I managed to get a letter of reprimand for wearing them...   but then I received a reprieve... and it became OK to wear them again...

Back one Spring, I was driving home from a trip to Madison, MS when I came upon a highway patrol roadblock. After a quick mental inventory, I knew that I had my Drivers License, that my inspection sticker and tag were current, and that I had my insurance card. I handed the patrolman the DL… he looked at it, handed it back to me… told me to be careful… and then he said… “wait a minute… let me see that again…”

Ferque!!!!! My DL was expired… he told me to pull off to the side of the road.. GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..

That patrolman walked over to a group of others patrolmen who were standing around talking… and he handed my DL to one of the officers… he took my DL, looked at it, and started writing the ticket… he walked behind my vehicle to get the tag number, and then went to sit in his cruiser while he finished the ticket… I was ready to go… I was unhappy with myself for not checking my expiration on my license… I look to see what he’s doing… he’s on his cell phone… dammit man, come on!!! I’m ready to get home!!!

He finally gets out of his car… does the highway patrolman strut over to my car… and says to me… “I have one more question for you… Are you wearing your red shoes today?”

“WTF?!?!?!?!” I looked at him and asked…”WHAT?!?!?!”

He said… “I need to know if you are wearing your red shoes???”

I tell him no, and then ask… how do you know about my red shoes???

He started laughing… said he recognized my name, and saw the university decal on the back of my vehicle… and told me that his wife had taken several of my classes… that all he ever heard about was some teacher with red shoes and how much fun they had in class…

He said he had called his wife to see what I looked like... to make sure, I guess...

Anyway...

Its amazing how stories follow us around…